Identify where you can take action to ask and empower others-your spouse, children, colleagues, subordinates, etc.-to take on more responsibility, wherever possible and appropriate.
And learn to trust that you aren't meant to handle everything yourself, and live two or more lives within your one.
Shed the need to do it all perfectly, and embrace help from all those who will give it. It boils down to prioritizing with courage and conviction what matters most to you, then building the sufficient boundaries to shift your focus away from what matters less. We have the personal power to change this dynamic.
#Pathological fear of marriage full#
So what can women do about their overly full plates and their tendency to overfunction? She admitted candidly that she wished she hadn’t had to face the obstacles she did-namely, being forced to give up her exciting and fulfilling sixty-plus-hour-a-week job running The Washington Post Magazine and reducing her hours and salary by 50% in order to carve out the precious family time that was critical to her. As Leslie Morgan Steiner, editor of the important and compelling book Mommy Wars, explained to me, she found balancing work and family torturous at times. This overload is extremely difficult to thrive through. Research shows that women still assume the lion’s share of domestic responsibilities, even if they work, and even when they are the primary breadwinners. What drives women to overfunction? I've seen that it's believing that if you don’t do everything, something terrible will occur: You'll miss out on a critical development if you're not always there someone else (your partner, for instance) will do it wrong your children’s welfare will be jeopardized you'll be ridiculed or judged harshly you'll be seen as “less than” others or, finally, if you can’t be the best at all you do, you'll be an abject failure. Women have been chronically overfunctioning for years, ever since they emerged on the work scene and took on the overwhelming challenge of trying to balance full-time work with full-time family responsibilities. This week commit to stop doing it all, and watch how that feels Here are 4 steps that I’ve found helpful in recovering from perfectionist overfunctioning: I’m a recovering perfectionistic overfunctioner and I know how very hard it is to stay on this wagon and keep yourself there – of loving and embracing who you are, being OK with you what you do and what you don’t do, and living more authentically each day. Finally, when you stop and take the time to really think about it, are you living someone else's definition of happiness, success and well-being?Īnswering these questions honestly will open your eyes to what has to change – and to the need to give yourself a break every day, and stop trying to get an A+ in everything.Is there rampant underfunctioning going on in your house or your job that you know you need to address but can’t find the courage?.Do you feel that asking for help is a sign of weakness and imperfection, and you’d rather struggle alone and try to do it all yourself?.Is your family used to your doing too much, and you feel it’s really hard now to break that cycle?.Do you act in your life as if everything is a top, urgent priority, whereas actually, only a few things truly are?.
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